Its always been important to me that after a large project finishes or a milestone or significant period of time has passed, I take some time to go inside my head. I do this for the purpose of a big mental spring-cleaning while reflecting on everything that has happened, good or bad, how I've grown or regressed and where I plan to take things from there.
Now that my third semester of Ecosystem Management at Fleming is finished, all that stands in front of me is another three months and then...I don't know. The thought is both giggle inducingly exciting or numb-assingly intimidating. At least I can say that there are a few possibilities I would like to explore, it's just making a first decision and hoping it's the right one that's the hard part. Work, more school, adventuring? What will things be like down the road? Hard times? Good times? Love? Loneliness? Madness?
Focusing in the present is a necessity for the survival of a brain like mine.
When I do my periodic maintenance shut down, I get quiet. I say little and I stare into space alot. Solitary walks and trips to the coffee shop to sit and nurse a green tea become more appealing.
This year summed up has been one of polarity. There was a lot of happiness and fun and love, but also stress, depression and the grief and self-esteem blows that comes when someone you love tells you that you're no longer their favourite hat, or that they're just not ready to wear the captain's cap, but you're still a fine and beautiful sea-faring vessel.
I got the idea at the beginning of 2012 from a good blog Rowdy Kittens to pick a word to be the theme of your year. I chose to make it Connection. I realized that I really needed to work on connecting to the world around me and focus on it and less on my petty troubles and thought processes. I wanted to connect on a deeper level with people, family and friends, make new ones and maintain the old ones. I hoped to connect with the natural world, the community, and the strengths I have in my own self.
This year I was going to make the word Engage. Engage with the people and the world around me. Take action, stop planning and actually do things.
But after talking to some insightful friends and noticing the challenges that seem to be cropping up in the last while, I realized that the real word to focus on is Balance.
Balance in work and play,
Socializing and studying.
Balance between eating too much and eating too little.
Balance between time resting and time moving.
And so many other things. Life lived well is a life that is able to equalize in the face of change. To recognize excesses and deficiencies within and externally and make adjustments to make things better.
Much work to do in this year of 2013