Somewhere, in between fear of failure and a lack of motivation, I never got around to any of it.
Granted, there have been numerous changes in life since the leisurely days in Winnipeg which I naturally took for granted. The good part was that I finally obtained employment, the position I had wanted from the start. The bad this summer was, I lost a best friend, someone who I thought cared about me. I won't get into it, but the whole thing led to its own form of grief which startled me. I found myself thinking logically that I was fine and that I was over it, but emotionally I was a mess. Only I didn't realize it. I'm still not sure how much it's poisoning my psyche even now. More than one person has told me that it takes at least half as long to get over a break-up as the relationship was long.There are other factors to consider that would either shorten and lengthen that time of course.
But if all that has any smear of truth then I'm what...half way to half way?
Its taken a while, but I'm glad to be feeling like my old self again. The motivation is starting to return and I feel more happy. I've even begun looking and planning my potential future after college, something I couldn't bring myself to do for quite sometime. It's unbelievably scary, but exciting. I'm confidant that I'll be able to make a good go of things.
My summer job saw me working at a Provincial park as a Children's Programmer.Meaning, I get to read all day about topics that interest me and then I get to tell kids about it. What's awesome is the hoard if other nature nerds I get to hang out with.
Planning, and working on self-betterment are my two things of focus this month. I'm trying to stay as active as possible, take up a bit of yoga to keep my muscles from getting stiff ( sitting in an office all day is a bitch!), writing in my journal regularly and focusing on self care and well-being. It's way too easy to let the world and on its problems crush you with their weight. I hardly need the world, just dealing with my father's dysfunction and troubles is enough.
Finally bit it and purchased a cast-iron skillet. I've coveted one for ages and at the Home Harware they carried the line from Lodge and I thought, why not it's an investment. I realized after that it's the sort of item meant more for people who stay living in one place and don't shuffle across province for school and such. Will make it work